I see you standing there with your contagious laugh and your big heart, unknowingly spelling confidence with the way that you hold your head high, but your hands aren’t afraid to get dirty.
I see you as you smile, encourage, and genuinely care; how you serve faithfully, give generously, and support strongly, and don’t measure your success by how much credit you get for it.
You willingly go to the hard places and speak into the messy places and pour into the graceless places, because you understand that the Gospel that fuels you doesn’t stay where it’s safe.
You love well. That doesn’t go unnoticed. You are a gift.
Yet sometimes, when you walk out to your car, or up to your room, you sit for a minute and the weight of it all sits too. The brokenness you see and touch breaks your heart. Choosing joy doesn’t come easy. Giving grace is hard.
And for some reason it feels selfish to think it, but if you pull back the layers enough, some of that weight comes down to something that’s not easy to acknowledge:
With that fear comes walls. Walls you don’t actually want. Walls you are skilled at gently breaking down in others. Walls that you put up for protection but only feed the secret ache of wondering. Wondering who will dig a little deeper, stay a little longer, love a little harder for you. Wondering who will stick around long enough to carefully scale that barrier around your heart and want to stay when they know you for real.
But that scares you.
Maybe that comes from the very poignant reality that you have felt rejection in hard, deep ways.
Maybe that comes from a knowledge of how imperfect you are.
Maybe that comes from a place in your story where you aren’t quite ready to claim you have healed.
But when someone tries, you laugh, and say “God is good, life is full and I’m making it!”, promptly ask them about their hobbies, and inadvertently push them away.
Friend, let people love you too.
You care well for the hearts of others, let them care well for you.
Take the step of faith and share some of who you are. Let yourself trust, even just a little.
In all your giving, learn to receive.
In all your fear of being truly known, remember the One who knows you fully and loves you deeply.
You are known by a God who desires to take you into his confidence (Proverbs 3:34).
You are known by a God who takes great delight in you (Zephaniah 3:17).
You are known by a God who is near to you (Psalm 145:18)
You are known by a God who loves perfectly, and perfect love drives out fear (1 John 4:18).
While raw insecurity hides deep in your heart, you are held in the everlasting arms of a Savior who will never let you go, who will always hold you fast, who always has been and always will be faithful.
I see how well you go to the hard places. It’s okay to let Jesus into the hard places in you.
Continue to love well, friend. And know that as deeply as you love, His love reaches deeper still.